When you think of Amy Schumer, you don’t think of someone who takes a bunch of crap from some guy. However, she wasn’t always the badass comedian and Hollywood powerhouse she is now. And as we’ve learned over and over again in the past few years, abusive relationships can happen to anyone.
For Amy the toxicity was mostly in her younger years. During a very candid convo on the This Is Paris podcast this week, she opened up to Paris Hilton and Hunter March about the scariest chapters in the book of her dating history.
She admitted :
“I got in a pattern of dating guys that I just thought were so funny and brilliant and that I didn’t deserve to be with them who weren’t that nice to me. And then toward the end of the relationship, I would be like, ‘Oh wait, I’m actually better than them! And they’ve been manipulating me to feel bad about myself so that I would stay, feel like I needed to stay. And that’s a pattern that it took me a while to break.”
Oof. Girl, sadly that is all too common a situation even the best people find themselves in. As Amy agrees:
“Anyone can end up in an abusive relationship.”
For real! Amy brought up FKA twigs, one of the coolest, most unique voices out there, a dancer/artist/pop star whose star was already on the rise when she started dating Shia LaBeouf. The way FKA described her relationship as being basically subjugated into a submissive shell of herself… it’s scary.
Paris of course wasn’t immune either. She talked about how men she dated also consistently made her feel worse about herself, cheating on her and doing mean things.
The hosts then asked Amy what the most toxic, abusive behaviors she experienced at the hands of men she dated were, and it got ROUGH, y’all. However, it started as just little cutting remarks. Amy recalled:
“Well, you know, my abuse went pretty far. You know, it was subtle things… I remember one time we were at a gas station, and I got out of the car, and I like picked my wedgie, and he was like, ‘That’s so gross when you do that. That makes me sick.’ And now, I’d be like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ … He was a photographer at the time, and he’d be like, ‘Ugh, my ex-girlfriend would have done this so well.’ And all of that up to the point of really wanting to hurt me…”
However, there was a particularly humiliating incident:
“One time I was in the shower, and he opened the shower curtain, and he just laughed at me. Just started laughing at me. I think he peed on me. He peed on me in the shower while he was laughing at me.”
He peed on her?! Who would do such a thing?!?
Before she married Chris Fischer in 2018, some of Amy’s past boyfriends include comedian Anthony Jeselnik, WWE wrestler Dolph Ziggler, and furniture designer Ben Hanisch.
However, Amy clarified this was when she was in her “early 20s” and thus couldn’t be any of those guys. She continued:
“This was after years of kind of grooming and brainwashing… It went from really subtle things to like locking me in a room and stuff like that.”
So scary… So how did she did break out?
“Once I realized — I don’t know what it was, it was just one day, out of nowhere — he said something, and I just realized, ‘Oh he’s just really afraid of losing me. None of this has been true. And it’s all about that.’ And I couldn’t unsee it. So when he would say something mean, I was almost laughing at him. And I was just really angry. And still I stayed for a month or something.”
The rock bottom she hit was far scarier than anything else:
“And then there was a night where he… we had this insane night, I wrote about it in my book, but it was just crazy, and he did wind up chasing me with a knife.”
Amy says she’s so sensitive to those patterns now and that it took her a long time to trust men again after that. We mean, fair enough.
But Amy does think the fact she did finally grow past it should be inspiring, saying:
“Those patterns can be broken, which is cool.”
True! Patterns of looking for abuse and looking to abuse can both be broken as we grow. No one is damaged goods to be thrown away. As long as we’re always looking forward, aiming to become better versions of ourselves, we can get past it.
But seriously, unless you are really into that sort of thing and specifically request it, do not put up with some guy peeing on you! Literally or figuratively.
For more of this great conversation, you can listen to the full podcast HERE.
[Image via FayesVision/WENN/Instar.]